We all have Victory
I am a Christian woman. I love the Lord with my whole heart. I try to set my intentions on Him daily and sometimes that looks like a constant asking and praying, “God, you’re really making me mad here, I want MY way, can’t you just give me this one thing.”
Over the last year I have struggled greatly with depression, addiction, filling God sized holes in my soul with guys and just outright disobedience. I was brought to my knees a few weeks ago and out of shear fear, turned my face BACK to God and asked Him to allow me back in.
His answer, “You were never out. You were just seeking other solutions to a problem that only I can fix.” Wow!!! Somewhere deep inside I knew this. I had heard and at one time had believed that it is not God who turns away from us, but us who turn away from Him. But this time was different. I thought that I had run too far, that I had crossed that invisible line that turns you away for good. That I somehow was dirtier than Saul. That the murdering I had done was unforgivable and that God had every right to reject me.
Man had ultimately rejected me. My husband, whom I thought would never give up on me, had resolved to end our marriage. My very good friend whom I thought would always be around had quit taking my calls. My sponsor wasn’t begging me to come back to the 12-step group I ascribed to. My pastor had called, but was now praying silently. My son didn’t want to hear it and I had pissed my mom off for the last time. No one wanted to have a thing to do with me…I didn’t want to have a thing to do with me either. I was hopeless. Or was I?
Through a series of events and accidents, I ended up here, in Victoria, TX. Who’s crazy idea was this and why did I agree to it. I was obviously out of my mind. When I heard the stories later I was much more out of my mind than originally thought. The devil’s minions were my constant companions and I had only been safe on the few occasions that I found myself in the presence of a few angels. God hired and awe inspired angels. I still thank God that they were around.
Through prayer and meditation I continued to hear that I was to rest. Rest. Rest. I was told over and over, as were several others who continued to pray for me that my next step was to STOP. Sit still. Be quiet. Wait on the Lord.
Say what? Who does that? Certainly NOT me. I am a mover and a shaker. I get stuff done, dang it! I don’t stop. I prevent others from stopping as well. I am a motivator! I haven’t sat still a day in my life. Still is for people who are retired or have the luxury of vacation. Sitting still is a joke anyway. How do you get stuff done if you’re being still? Hello!!!! This whole quiet thing amused me too. Are. You. Serious? I started forming clear and legible words when I was 9 months old and I hadn’t let up much since then…not even in my sleep. I was sure that everyone else needed to hear what I had to say. I loved what I had to say! And wait on the Lord. What exactly did you think I had been doing all that time? I was waiting on God all right. I was waiting on him to kick door at that last motel room. I was waiting for him to come walking in that door and say, “Summer, this is not what I have for you. This is not you. This is not the end to your story. Now get up and let’s go. And how dare you folks for holding her back from her destiny.” As he pointed that condemning finger around the room to the others whose fault it was that I was there.
He did eventually say those things to me but not in the way I foresaw in my limited human brain. I imagine things in such a way that it limits God from fulfilling his greatness. I restrict Him by saying; “Give me this exact thing, exactly how I have asked for it, exactly in my timing.” He answers those prayers from time to time and I realize that I could’ve had better had I just waited for what He had for me.
So, yes, still, quiet, waiting, I came to Ol’ Vic-town, as I have lovingly called it, or Hicktoria as a new association dubbed in via text today. Here I am God…GO! I haven’t exactly had the easiest time. The first responder in me says that I can figure this out, so RUN!!!!! But I haven’t. I have sat. It’s the most uncomfortable thing I have ever done in my life. It feels like dieing. A dear friend of mine, the lady who drove me here actually, told me that I am dieing. Dieing to myself. Harsh! I was so cool…or was I? I was really good at messing everything up. I was really good at failure. I was really good at picking just the wrong time to screw up. I was good at blotting out the bain of my miserable existence. I was good at running. Running hard, running fast and running straight into some really scary circumstances. I can never add the word “long” to that list because I run so hard that the road always wins. The ROAD always beat me down.
This road beating brought me here. Sitting, waiting…palms up, waiting to receive. The biggest gift I have received is Mercy, because believe me, I did not get what I deserved. I deserve 10 to life. I deserved to die when I ran my car into that tree. I deserved to have my neck slit wide open when I called on strangers to guide me. I deserve HELL, but God was waiting. Arms wide open to accept me back into His Glory.
October is BIRTH-MONTH!!!!! If you know me well, you know that I am all about birthdays. I am all about the gifts and attention that comes along with birthdays. I am all about me. This year I want to switch things up. I want to give-up, give-in and give-away. Let’s do this together. One of my weak areas is the way I treat my body when I get sober. It is an affliction that I carry with me from the streets and just don’t let go of. I believe that God has called us to live holistically in His light. I think He wants us to be balanced and whole.
That starts with a relationship with Him. I believe that Jesus is the Way, the Truth and the Life. You do NOT have to have the same beliefs as me to enjoy this blog or to participate. As a matter of fact, if you don’t believe, I welcome you with a true desire for you to get the same kind of benefit as any believer here. I do however, only feel like you will receive FULL benefit from this program if you have an idea of who your higher being or higher power is. If you are under the impression that you are the ultimate authority in your life, then there isn’t a thing that I or anyone else for that matter can help you with. If you are your ultimate authority, then go get with you. Sorry to be blunt…actually, no I’m not! Just know that I am going to be talking a lot about God, you just fill in your perception. I want this time together to be all-inclusive, not exclusive at all. What help are we really if we are just trying to meet ourselves or people who believe just as we do.
Now for you Christian readers. I will probably offend you more than I offend the non-believers. I feel that we were called to two things in life, “Love God with all of your mind, body and strength and love others as you love yourself.” This means that we love God first, then out of that Love we learn to love ourselves and ultimately love others. I do NOT ascribe to many laws or traditions. I love God and am working on loving myself so that I can love others as I love myself. Until I reach that goal I have very little to offer anyone else and am actually doing a disservice to everyone around me. So please, don’t ask me how I feel about abortion or about the president or about prostitutes. You may not like my answer and I wouldn’t want this to be a place of anger. Can’t we all just get along???
With that being said, WELCOME!!! I am so glad that you have taken the time to read this and hope that you are looking for some of the same things I am.
On October 1, 2013 I am going to start a blog focused on joining the mind, body, spirit and social life together to better obey Him, Love myself and serve others out of that love. Join me won’t ya! Let’s journey together!!
I will write each day touching on each of these subjects. I will do this daily writing only through October…my birth month as a gift to you and myself. If I think I am giving it to others, then I might just follow it myself. Tomorrow’s blog will be on “Getting Started.” Then Hopefully on Tuesday we can start this thing together with a good cleanse of the mind, body, spirit and social life!
Just so we are all on the same page here are the definitions of each of these topics:
Mind – the element, part, substance, or process that reasons, thinks, feels, wills, perceives, judges, etc.
Body – the physical structure and material substance of a human. (for our purposes)
Spirit – A supernatural, incorporeal being, especially one inhabiting a human (for our purposes) or having a particular character.
Social – living or disposed to live in companionship with others or in a community, rather than in isolation.
Life – the sum of distinguishing phenomena of organisms, especially metabolism, growth, reproduction, and adaptation to environment.
With that being said, let’s start and enjoy this journey together. It is shown that a load carried together is lighter than that which is carried by one. Please feel free to add your own insight and progress. I would love to hear the Glory that surely we shall all find in treating ourselves holistically.
Palms up. Minds open. Hearts receiving. Others touched! To live.
This blog is managed and written by Summer Shine aka Victory Chic. The opinions herein are endorsed solely by Summer and are not the opinion of any of the affiliates mentioned…so don’t go getting all crazy with anyone else. Don’t like what’s being said? UNSUBSCRIBE. Love ya!